The Birth of Leonidas

a.k.a.  The Story of a Most Undignified Labor

(Caution: Not for the squeemish)

Before The Birthday:
Leo's story begins with managing expectations. To start, let me say that I have never gone into labor on my own. That moment where the wife says, "Honey, it's time." and the husband freaks out trying to load the car... yeah, we never had that.  I have always gone a week or more past my due date when my OB (aka "Dr. Cowboy") has pity and decides to induce labor.

Also, I've always caved in and gotten the epidural. With Chloe, I was laboring very well hooked up to the pitocin for about 8 hours, but my mom told me she was in labor with me for 32 hours and I didn't think I could go another two days like that, so I called for the epidural. Chloe was born less than 30 minutes later. If I had known she was that close to coming, I probably could have skipped the epidural, but the sensation was wonderful. I couldn't feel anything below my belly, but it was like sitting in a nice warm bath.

With Roman, I went in the night before and they gave me cervadil to dilate me while I slept. They said it would probably start some uncomfortable contractions and offered some Ambien to help me sleep through it.  I declined at first. But at 1am, I was awakened by a lady in the next room screaming bloody murder. You would have thought they severed a limb or something. I thought, "Get a grip, lady!" and called for the Ambien to help me sleep through her outbursts. Doctors came in around 9am and started the pitocin to induce my labor. I actually have very little recollection of the events of Roman's birth because it all happened so fast and it was very intense. I didn't hesitate to call for the epidural, but even that wasn't as wonderful as it was with Chloe's birth. The anesthesiologist was impatient and wouldn't wait for my contractions to pass (to his credit, he had someone dying in the ER downstairs and didn't have much time, but it was still an unpleasant insertion.) Roman came 4½ hours after they started the pitocin. I went from zero to baby in arms in 4½ hours.

Labor with Benjamin started off pretty smooth, but got a little complicated after a while.  His heart rate had dropped a little and they had me roll on my side.  This was incredibly uncomfortable and I lost focus on my contractions. I called for the epidural. The anesthesiologist was pleasant, and after monitoring me for several minutes, the nurse said that if I start to hear a ringing in my ears or feel tingling in my face, to call immediately. The mood of the room had lifted as I was a lot more comfortable and jovial, but my ears suddenly started ringing. I told Walter to call the nurse. He turned toward the door, but paused for some reason. I started feeling euphoric like I was on nitrous oxide and my lips started feeling tingly. I managed to say "GO!" before I started feeling like I couldn't talk or focus anymore. The nurse came in with a shot of epinephrine and said my blood pressure had gone down to 50/30!

That was really scary, so I decided that with Leo, I wanted to just avoid the epidural if possible. The only problem is that induced labors are more intense and almost never go without some type of medicated pain relief. Three times, I thought I could be brave, but three times I couldn't go without the meds. So, I wanted to avoid induction as well. I tried all the old-wives techniques to try to bring labor on: lots of walking, bowling, italian food, mexican food, full moon, low pressure weather, breast pump, pedicures, reflexology - none of that worked. I had the idea to have a doula help with my labor, but the last few weeks of the pregnancy, I got so busy at work with a major gov't review and was so tired at the end of the day, that I pretty much crashed as soon as I got home (often sitting straight up in a chair!) I was never able to connect with a doula.

On the Monday after my due date, I had what I thought was my last weekly office visit with Dr. Cowboy. I expected to sit in the stirrups, and as usual, he'd tell me I was still not progressed and he'd induce me over the upcoming weekend (or possibly sooner). But when I arrived at the office, the receptionist informed me that Dr. Cowboy was out having shoulder surgery and they were working to distribute his patients to the other doctors. I felt that choking feeling you get when you try to hold back tears. Really!? My wonderful faithful doctor who has been there for all my pregnancies and births and losses over the last nine years wasn't going to be here to see me or deliver this baby! The guy who knows my history and was going to induce me that weekend - wasn't. Would the stand-in doctor be able to induce me? Would I be able to communicate with him as easily? Would he be a good listener and as patient as Dr. Cowboy? I was really overwhelmed and as I sat in the patient room, half naked and waiting, I fought hard to hold back the sobbing.

Dr. Stand-In came in, checked me, and as expected, a natural labor was nowhere near immenent. I expressed my concerns about being induced and epidurals and c-sections. On one hand, I kind of wanted to go into labor on my own to avoid all the complications of the meds. But on the other hand, I really wanted to be un-pregnant; I was really really tired at that point and was in a birthing mindset. I wanted him to tell me he would induce that weekend. But he threw out some statistics and studies and leaned more toward waiting for the middle of the following week. He ultimately left the decision up to me whether to induce that weekend or wait a few more days, and ultimately, the logical part of me couldn't rationalize an induction against the statistics and studies, based on the sole fact that I was tired, cranky, and making other people miserable. With heavy spirits, I conceded to induction in the middle of the following week. When I got back to my car, I had a meltdown and sobbed. How many times had I cried in that parking lot?

I worked from home that week. By the middle of the week, I had pretty much come to terms that I wasn't having a baby soon and it only bothered me when people made comments about the fact that I was STILL pregnant. People were surprised to see me in person the week of my due date, but even more surprised to see me hard at work even from home the following week. I was still very productive and managed to wrap up several last-minute tasks (a big deal for me because I'm a finisher. Bugs me to the core to leave things open or incomplete). Even managed to clean up my email inbox too.

Birthday:
Saturday started off pretty routine. Coffee with the neighbors. Walter cut the grass. I ran a host of errands - went to WalMart to get groceries and a gift for Roman from the baby. I went to the mall to get gifts for Chloe from the baby (Hit the 7-for-$25 sale at Victorias Secret while I was there.) When I got home, I made a lasagne to freeze and some banana muffins for breakfast the next day.  I had been having braxton hicks contractions for several weeks, so the few I had during that day weren't a big deal. I noticed they started becoming regular just before dinner. They were far from painful, but coming at a regular interval of about 5 or 6 minutes apart, so I started timing them on my phone. This had happened before also; during a few meetings at work, they were timable, but as soon as I got up and walked back to my desk, they went away.

The kids decided they wanted to spend the night - Chloe at Grammy's house and Roman at Aunt Joanne's house. So, after dinner, they packed their suitcases and we had an empty house. "Wouldn't it be convienent if I went into labor tonight?" I joked.

I continued nesting. I decided to get active to see if that would make the contractions go away like it did before. We still hadn't installed the baby's carseat, but before I could do that, I had to re-arrange the current carseat configuration. But then I realized that I really needed to clean out my car first. It was pretty gross, but I stopped short of pulling out the shop vac. I installed the infant carseat base, but when I went to insert the seat, I noticed a safety feature was missing. We had a defective seat. I told Walter that I had to go to Babies R Us the next day and exchange it. "No," I corrected myself. "Sorry, but I hope YOU have to go in tomorrow and ask someone for help..." I said with a smile.

Three-hours after I started timing them, the contractions, while still not painful, had become MORE frequent - about 3 or 4 minutes apart.  So I decided to rest and see if that would make them go away. They say that when you're in labor, YOU'LL KNOW. Well, I wasn't certain because contractions weren't overwhelmingly painful, but they weren't going away either. I knew this was real labor, but it wasn't quite time to go to the hospital. I couldn't find the little pamphlet from the OB that had instructions of when to go to the hospital. How close were my contractions supposed to be? I thought it was 3-5 minutes apart. Google says to call L&D when they become painful and 5 minutes apart. Contractions were becoming uncomfortable - enough where I had to pause and breathe through them.
Walter was aware that I was timing contractions, but I really didn't want to alarm him prematurely, so I was pretty non-chelant about it all evening. But at about 8:30 I went to use the restroom and had a bloody show. I screamed woo-hoo! and he came running in.  "Did your water break?" he asked.  "No, but it will soon." I replied and proudly showed him the piece of toilet paper (sorry, that's gross, but I was really happy).  I started crying, actually, because I knew the wait was finally over. And it was going to happen on its own.

I gathered the last-minute things for our hospital bag (device chargers, some snacks for him, etc) and went upstairs where Walter was watching TV. "Wanna take a ride with me?" I asked.
"To the hospital? Is it time?" he replied.
"I'm not sure, but I know I at least need to be checked." I said. "Don't panic and rush around, though. Even if this is real, we still have several hours." So, he washed his face and gathered a few things for himself. We grabbed the defective carseat and loaded the car. Contractions becoming a little more painful and the bumps and turns during the drive made it worse. We got to the hospital 5 minutes after the main entrance closed and we had to go in through the ER. They radioed up to L&D that we were on our way up. I opted to walk (to help things move downward, because I still had several hours to go...), but had to stop a couple times during contractions.

We got upstairs and the nurse had a bed ready for me. I told her about my day and that contractions were regular and a little painful, but not overwhelming. She took my vitals, asked a bunch of questions, and checked to see how far I was progressed. A FIVE!  I was already at a five! That's half way there already! Yes, they were definitely admitting me because this was labor for real. They wrapped the monitor belts around me, started a saline IV, finished putting my history into the computer, and left us alone.

It was 11pm and the hospital was quiet. I did a calculation in my head: averaging my labors, it would be about 9 or 10 hours, but since I was already half way there already, I would probably be pushing around 3am. Walter put the TV on and we watched for a bit while I breathed through my contractions. Everything annoyed me. Even things that I liked in the past. All the monitor belts annoyed me. Watching my contractions on the strip chart annoyed me (that part was kind of geeky fun in the past). The TV annoyed me. He changed the channel. Still annoying. I was annoyed because I was really thirsty. Walter went out to get a cup of ice for me to crunch on and filled my big hospital mug with water. I was freezing and had him go fetch the suitcase so I could put some socks on. Except, I was so grossly pregnant, that I had a hard time reaching my feet. Very annoying! And then I was hot and wanted my hair off my neck, so Walter fetched my hair tie out of my toiletries bag. The stupid blood pressure cuff kept sliding down, and when it inflated, it wasn't in the right place and ended up half way around my elbow. Annoying!

Contractions were becoming really painful, especially in my back. I don't remember having such bad back pain before. My pubic bones were achy and I wanted to sit on the fittness ball. We had ours in the car, but first, we asked if they had one available. It felt so good to sit like that by the side of the bed and just roll my hips a little. But in sitting like that, the TV was behind me and I could only listen to it. Annoying. And I was cold again.

I felt a little nauseous and told Walter it would probably be a good thing if we had something ready for me to barf in. He went out and asked for something for me to barf in. The nurse came in and I told her it wasn't immenent, but I'd rather be prepared for it before I spewed all over the place. Contractions were really painful and it was like white hot pain starting in my lower back and radiating forward and down. It subsided quickly and that's the only thought that got me through them. They don't last very long. So, with each one, I reminded myself that they only last a few seconds. I breathed calmly and slowly and waited for it to pass. I tried to relax all my other muscles and let my body work. I could feel the pressure in my pubic bones with each one and focused on letting my body move the baby down.  "Swim Down! Swim Down!" Dori (from Finding Nemo) chanted in my head. I made a mental note after looking at the strip chart: contractions still 3 minutes apart, but the rise and fall of each crest was very smooth. Good control so far.

I had all the monitor wires strewn across the bed and I had to pee. I couldn't remember how to disconnect all the wires and cables from the machines and had the nurse come in to help. She said I was welcome to pee as much as I needed to, but if I felt like I had to poop, to call her first. The feeling of #2 is similar to the urge to push a baby and "We don't want a water baby over the toilet, so let me check you first," she said. She helped wheel the IV pole over to the restroom and waited on the other side of the door as I did my business.

"You know, I didn't have to before, but now that I'm sitting here, I think I need to go #2," I told her. "Okay, come on out and let me check you," she said.
I was already at a seven! That's almost transition time! I didn't recognize all the transition signs I was already having: hot and cold, need to barf, feeling constipated. I was in quite a bit of pain and was just trying to manage through that.

My water still hadn't broken. I knew that once it happened, things would really pick up and become unbarable. "Can't have a baby until you wipe that smile off your face," Dr. Cowboy always joked before breaking my water with the amnio hook. But I was already in so much pain. Once my water broke, I knew the pain would increase ten-fold. Could I bare that? Could I bare pain TEN TIMES worse than THIS!? Maybe I should get the epidural after all. Walter went out and told the nurse I was ready for the epidural. The nurse came in and I expressed concern about the timing. (Remember, Chloe came within 30 minutes of the epidural. Was I that close now?) Or are things going to be drawn out and will I miss my window of opportunity? She checked me again and I was at an 8. She could feel the water bag bulging out. I called for the epidural, but things progressed quicker than the anesthesiologist could get there, so I ended up not getting it.

During the contractions, baby's heart rate wasn't readable on the monitors. The monitors lost contact or something and they couldn't see if the contractions were distressing him or not. Earlier, it wasn't a problem, but it started to annoy the staff and she asked me to lay on my side for a bit. Now THAT was really uncomfortable! It really hurt my pubic bones to close my legs together, one on top of the other. (That's why I wanted to sit on the ball!) I asked Walter to support my leg and hold it up. What was the nurse doing behind me? She was there for a while and Walter wasn't holding my leg high enough, then it was too high and I got a cramp in my thigh muscle. "This isn't easy for me, either!" he said. By that point, the contractions were so painful and laying on my side made it worse. It made it hard to focus, I pretty much kept my eyes closed. I asked the nurse if there was anything to put between my legs so Walter didn't have to hold them anymore.

I think that was the point where I just went to another planet. I don't know where I went, but after that point, I was really vaguely aware of what was happening around me. All my thoughts came out my mouth with absolutely no filter. I was barking at people, really with no expectation of them actually doing what I was asking for, but more just complaining about things I'd normally just keep in my head. Suddenly, there were pillows between my knees and Walter could let go of my leg.  Where did those come from? I was hot and sweating again. Did I ask Walter for a cold cloth or did the nurse suggest it? He patted it around my glasses.  I needed to wipe my whole face with it and then on the back of my neck. "My whole face," I managed to say between contractions. I couldn't communicate - I don't remember if he draped it on my face or patted all over, but I remember tearing my glasses off, grabbing the cloth, and wiping my face with it. When did I get the oxygen mask? It always smells funny. Why does oxygen smell funny. My wet face made the rubber mask sticky and the elastic was tight. At some point, I don't remember when but, I finally ripped the dumb thing off and just held it in place with my hand.

With each contraction, I could feel the pressure down there increasing. I kind felt the need to push a little. The nurse told me not to push yet - I had to breathe through the urge to push. Do you know how hard it is to fight your body like that? I was only dilated to a 9 though. With each coming contraction, I gripped the bedrail. It was my lifeline, actually. Pulling it closer to me seemed to help. (in my head, anyway). I had a hard time keeping my breathing regular. I was all tense and clenched on my side.

"Don't push yet!" They told me. "I wanna push, I wanna push, I wanna push." I said through a contraction. My body was pushing and I wasn't in charge. I wasn't telling my body to push, but I fought to relax and regain control. Dr. Stand-In was on his way. "OH, WHERE IS HE!?" I hollered. That must have come out really rude and impatient sounding. That was really just a complaint and should have stayed in my head but it came out of my mouth instead. When did Dr. Stand-In actually arrive? I don't remember his arrival. I hope he wasn't in the room when I hollered about his absence.

Things were escalating. They were converting the bed to push-mode. The foot end comes off and they erect the stirrups. "Oh, I just want to roll over and start pushing!" I said. Not time yet.  I was only at a nine and my water hadn't even broken yet. Apparently, the bag of water was still bulging out. It's almost time to push; aren't they going to break my water soon? I thought. I was expecting to see the amnio hook soon. I usually dread that part knowing things were about to get intense, but at this point, I really wanted them to break my water and get it over with.

And suddenly, I was overwhelmed with the most seismic, mind numbing, beseiging contraction ever. I'm sure I left my body. I pretty much climbed the bedrail. As my body heaved and pushed against my will, I opened my eyes and let out the most terrifying scream of agony. Walter, there by my bedside, went pale. I'll remember the look of helpless terror on his face. Something had come out of me. It wasn't a limb? That wasn't part of the baby that just came out? I closed my eyes again and took a breather. That contraction - and pain of whatever had just come out of me - was the worst part of the whole labor. It was more painful than pushing. More painful than the stretching and tearing when the baby's head pops out. That one contraction. Apparently, I had passed the intact bag of water and membranes in one contraction. I finally felt water flowing. Did it rupture on its own or did they have to pop it with the hook? Walter had looked away. The fluid was green with meconium, so I heard them call for the NICU team.

Finally, they let me roll over and put my feet in the stirrups. Finally, relief; I could stop fighting the urge to push and actually push. The first pushing contraction wasn't productive. I could feel it; I wasn't bearing down correctly. I had a cramp in my thigh again. I think the stirrup was too high or something. I was back on that other planet. My eyes were closed. I could hear the people around me, but I wasn't listening. They wanted me to grab the back of my legs and curl up while I pushed. Instead, I pushed down on the top of my thigh and arched away. I don't think I was consciously doing that, but my legs weren't right in the stirrups. The nurse adjusted them lower, but I still wasn't listening. She tried to hold my legs closer to my body, but I said, "Oh, please don't. Please don't." So, she backed off. I really needed to bring my legs closer and curl up, but my unfiltered complaining stopped her from helping.

I asked Walter, later, if I screamed as loud when I was pushing as I did during that crazy contraction. He said, "You were loud. But you just weren't listening. Finally, the doctor just grabbed you by the hips and pulled you down to the end of the bed."  I vaguely remember that. That's probably just what needed to happen. Someone just needed to grab me and make me comply.

Baby's head was crowning. The familliar perineal pain was accompanied by a new pain I've never felt before. It was up front and it burned! "It burns! It burns! It burns!" I yelled.  This wasn't normal! I've never felt this before! "That's called the ring of fire," the nurse said. Well, for what it was worth, at least I knew it wasn't abnormal. (Although, I've had that song stuck in my head for over a week now.)

I thought I could relax, but they wanted one more push. I bore down and pushed out his shoulders. A big relieving gush of baby and fluid and then it was over. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe I did that!" I said. No pitocin. No epidural.

The NICU team didn't even weigh or measure the baby right away. They wisked him over to the basinette to get the fluid and meconium sucked out of his lungs. They monitored him for a long while as Dr. Stand-In finished the delivery and stitched me up. I apologized for dragging him to the hospital at one in the morning. I apologized to Walter for barking at him the whole time. It was my first real labor and birth and I was that lady screaming and keeping everyone else up at 1am. I was THAT lady. At the end of it, I was kind of glad Dr. Cowboy wasn't there. I was glad he didn't get to see me at my most unbecoming. In a few weeks, I may be able to laugh at myself for it.

Leonidas Ramsey Storm. Born 1:21 am Sunday September 4, 2011. 9lb 6 oz. 21 inches.